Maybe You Should Be Afraid

 After my last post someone had asked what were my epiphanies? I had said I met a man that was the light/ sound designer for the Nutcracker. He was pretty cool. I did enjoy his company because the conversations were never dull. I had also said he wasn't dumb but I didn't think he could teach me anything. My epiphany was that: He can't teach me anything. That is probably first and foremost number one reason why I wouldn't consider dating him. You know I like the brilliant, slightly older, intelligent, pretty sure he can teach me all kinds of stuff, highly creative artist like minded type. It never crossed my mind until he changed the conversation. Dating him or not dating him would have never crossed my mind but since it was brought up I had to examine why I would enjoy someone company and admit he was handsome yet nothing is there. Like I said, a magnitude of things has to happen. I know lots of good looking men that are not dumb bo's but I still don't want to date any of them. I'm telling you, it's just not there. I said, I need a game plan. I still don't have a game plan. I don't think I can do this. I'm not getting better at any of this. I still can't believe I told that man I had three men living with me and slept with them all. That is just wrong on so many levels. Part of me hopes I never see him again. Another part of me hopes I do just so I can tell him how full of shit I am and that you can never take me serious. The answer is still NO but don't listen to me. I've lost my mind and random weirdness comes out of my mouth. I really should apologize. I don't know what came over me but damn.....

Ok, so no game plan isn't working and I can't seem to come up with a plan. My mind draws a blank every time I try to think about it. Why can't I just say no thank you and be done with it. Why is that not enough? Why do you guys look at me like a simple no thank you isn't good enough? Like, I need to elaborate on the why no? I would say the old, "it's not you, it's me". Nobody ever believes that. It would be the truth but it seems so superficial. I try to put myself in their shoes and think what would I want to hear with a no if it was me. That doesn't work because a simple no thank you would be enough for me. Since there is no snow and I'm so restless. I wait for summer. When the festivals start and I can be in my element, with my crew. Where I can be me and not have to worry about this silly stuff. You know, I can't be me unless I'm a little naughty but you guys don't take me serious because you know better. I don't have to worry about being asked out or any of this uncomfortable stuff. I may be somewhat reserved but there's not a shy bone in my body. If I like someone they will know it.

I don't believe any of you guys are afraid of me like my ex had suggested. Well, other than Darren. I know I should feel bad for him but I don't. It's still funny to me. He won't even be left alone in the same room with me anymore. He had it coming though. I suppose I should elaborate a little for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about. I call him a kid because to me he is a kid. He's 21 maybe 22 I'm not sure but young and dumb no less. Not dumb as in intellect. Dumb as in young and inexperienced. For the longest time he would hit on me, make sexual innuendos, talk dirty to me, do all the things young dumb boys do. Anyway, one night the whole crew was together at my friends house. All of us had plenty enough to drink. He shows up with another friend of our and starts in on me. This is nothing new. He does this every time I see him. I said something along the lines, he was way to young, I'm way out of his league, and he wouldn't know what to do with me, if he had me. He didn't agree with my statement and kept it up. Awhile later he came into the bedroom where my girlfriends and I were smoking a joint. They left the two of us in the bedroom alone saying they'd be back in a few minutes. That's all I need is a few minutes. I had the opportunity to prove my point and put an end to his relentless come on's once and for all. I gave him that look. You know the one where you can tell my horns are showing. I turned around and locked the door. Pulled him up close to me so that I could feel his heart beating out of his chest. I dimed the light so it was dark but not total dark. Then I laid my hands flat upon his shoulders and whispered in his ear. Firmly pressing down on his shoulders I told him, "down on your knee's". Not that he really had much of a choice but he did what he was told. On his knee's in front of me, I looked down. Took his hand and guided it up my inner thigh and whispered some bullshit that I really don't remember. I could feel a tremor when I took his hand. I knew I was making him nervous and very uncomfortable. I then told him he was with The Dark Queen and he was not to touch me again. To keep his hands at his side. At this point I could feel his whole body slightly shaking. So I gave him my bite which he wanted so badly before. Tap tap tap...(perfect timing) Someone was at the door which was not even arm length away so I open the door. The light beamed in. He was on his knee's with eyes as big as saucers. He was pale and looked like he had just seen a ghost. Our friend said, "what the hell is going on here". I said, "nothing" the kid jumped up, and said "she's one of those freaky chicks" and ran out of the room. I had to laugh because he couldn't get out of their fast enough. We were only in that room for maybe 3 minute's tops. I thought I was being easy on him. That was nothing compared to if I had been serious. I was just messing with him. Cheap thrills and proving my point. I wasn't serious, not for one minute. He doesn't hit on me or say anything sexual anymore. To this day he won't be left alone with me. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!  Unfortunately that only works with young men not grown men. I wish it did work with grown men. Half ass seduce, scare the hell out of em', never to be bothered again? Hmmm....How much fun could that be....

Yes, darlings I am one of those "freaky chicks". I didn't get the nick names Mayhem, The Dark Queen,  Bitch Goddess for nothing. Maybe you should be afraid. Very afraid....MUHAHAHA......lol