Out on a Limb

I'm so far out, on a very thin limb. I'm about as vulnerable as one could get. As you know for me that is very unsettling. I have absolutely no experience in this field at all. I have nothing to draw from. Nothing like this has ever happened before so I just don't know. All I know is, he feels right. It may be one sided. More like, probably is one sided but you can't fault him for that. Unless he can feel it, the cosmos, and feel me shimmering upon his mind how the hell would he know?

Speaking of shimmering upon his mind. Just for the record, I didn't do this on purpose furthermore I don't even know how I did it. It just happened. You know how I dream things, remember them and later they come to pass? You know how sometimes I have a flash of major déjà  then I know what's going to happen just before it happens? Well, seems I may have a new cursed gift or maybe he's the only one who's been able to pull it out of me. This is so strange. Last week I was sitting at the computer writing. Out of nowhere, not thinking about him or anything I had what I can only describe as a flash of déjà. Except I didn't see (only feel) things, it was like I could feel his thoughts or emotions or something. I don't know how, but I know they were his. I'm not sure what it was. It's hard to explain someone else's emotions. They weren't mine so I'm not sure but it felt to me like overload, extreme busy, tired, possibly frustrated, ready to call it a day/ night, all the above sort of thing. I got this flood of stuff. Then it was like he knew I was there or something. A big thick dark wooden door slammed in on me. It was like someone slamming a door in your face. It slammed so hard it (literally) knocked me out of my chair. I fell backwards out of my chair onto the floor and hit the back of my head so hard I'm surprised I don't have a concussion. I've NEVER had anything like that happen before. Either he knew I was there and didn't want me there or subconsciously I didn't want to be there. One of us slammed that door. I'm not sure who, but I'd be ok if that didn't happen again......

I wanted to reach out to him on facebook or something. I couldn't put my finger on it but  I could feel something wasn't right. I can't help but want to make it better but I couldn't even try because I didn't know what to say. What do you say, I can feel from 2,000 miles away something is wrong? Yeah, ok..... Some one slammed that door and I'm sure not going to keep knocking. So, I left it alone.....

So lonely sometimes

Yearning for someone to understand
Someone who'll care for me
Just for who I am
Someone who'll share with me
Who they really are
I believe I'll find it someday
But right now it seems so far
Why do I have this hunger inside?
Is life just a long lonely ride?
Or does the wait make you appreciate it more
when you find the one you've been waiting for?
I only know I won't settle for second best
I've have a pale imitation of love and now
I want the rest.....